I hate when my horoscope orders me around

"It's my job to be emotional," rock music goddess Bjork told Nylon magazine. "Doctors cure diseases and shoemakers make shoes. It's my job to go through emotions and describe them to other people." By my astrological reckoning, this is also an apt description of the role you should play in the coming weeks, my fellow Cancerian. It's a perfect time for you to commune with every feeling on your vast palette, as well as to add some new colors and textures you've never imagined before. One more piece of advice: As you express the richness of your inner world to interested parties, be artistic and entertaining, never self-indulgent or sloppy.

Free Will Astrology (c)

I LIKE being self-indulgent and sloppy. 'Specially when I'm tired.

I've opened Queenie's Store on www.lulu.com by the way, for all your Christmas calendar shopping. You can shop for my stuff here. My margin is very small. I'm going for the bulk sales business model.

Actually, I was going for the high end market and then I looked at the competition and they were all charging less than me.

Maybe you should check out their stuff. Some of it is pretty good.

But then again, you KNOW me, don't you. Brand loyalty and all of that. Cradle to grave marketing.

Speaking of, I could probably do a baby calendar when I go home to Ireland, such is the level of fecundity on the big island. I have friends emailing me in extreme excitement to tell me they're going to be GRANDPARENTS these days.

ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to hear about other things now please.

That sounds very Sarah Jessica doesn't it. I don't mean it to.

Thing is, there's a lot of baby talk in my physical surroundings and on my electronic airwaves, which is lovely and I'm all for being excited about new lives and new people arriving on the scene.

But I can't help thinking that there must be some people who have to listen to this stuff day in day out who don't want babies, or can't have babies, or won't have babies, or don't feel capable of rearing children, or have had miscarriages or have chosen to have terminations, or are facing into the emotional centrifuge that is IVF, or are trying to get accepted for adoption, or fostering, or whatever.

And I think that people who are lucky enough to produce issue with fuck all effort or thought (although I'm sure a huge amount of thought has gone into most of the issue I know about recently) - watch Queenie tiptoe around the sleeping baby of this issue - still, people who are lucky to have a perfect baby in their lives (or two or three) should be a bit more understanding of the huge range of emotions that constant babbling about how easy/ fantastic/ brilliant/ tiring/ exhausting/ etc etc babies are can bring on in those of us who fit into one or more of the other categories.

There. I've said it.

It needed to be said.

Back to lulu.com.

Now that I've alienated my entire customer base!

My photobook will be on electronic shelves soon as they get the template out of Beta.

Will SOMEONE please effing explain Beta to me sometime!

Mr. Monkey??

Anyone??

One final baby thought... wouldn't it be great if people could be as open about not having babies as they are about having them. That would sort it all out wouldn't it.

That'll never happen of course.

But it would get over the whole 'there I was just being excited about reproducing myself and hoping my mates were and now they're bitching about me on their blog which they have time to write because they're childless selfish bitches' backlash I totally deserve now.

I do love my future pension contributors. Everyone of them. And I promise to check out early to save them a few bucks.

Am I forgiven now?