No you can't.
Multiply that by one hundred.
That was last night.
Yes, the teenager is back. For a few days anyway.
And she is out with her friends, as teenagers are. But she wants to spend the night.
There are two problems with this.
One, she never actually spends the night where she says she's going to. So we cannot calculate odds and say, yes, that place is fine. Because we don't know where she'll end up.
Two, there has been a spate of teenage violence in Halifax in the last two weeks. A sixteen year old stabbed four security guards at a teenage disco last weekend and nearly killed one of them. Three sixteen year old girls attacked an elderly lady with iron table legs (for no apparent reason) at 9.30pm on the Commons and were set upon by the crusties who hang out there who held them until the cops came.
Plus all the usual swarmings etc.
Now, I'm pretty sure Kitty wouldn't stab anyone, or attack someone's granny with a table leg, but she has been known to throw rocks at her own house (there must be some Irish in her somewhere), so no, she can't spend the night.
Then she got home at eleven pm on a Thursday and started with the 'It's so crap having an eleven pm curfew. Nobody else has an eleven pm curfew' rant.
By eighty eight times.
I listed all the other sixteen year olds who have one.
They are all losers, apparently.
I have to laugh. It's all exactly the same as the conversations I had with my mother. Except this time the Queen Mother was sitting listening to me having this conversation with a sixteen year old. There's even an annoying little brother butting in.
Karma.
This week has been one of massive shifts and changes and it's all a bit unsettling.
I am currently spying on the new neighbours. Mike and Kate and Connor and Mika and the dogs left on Wednesday for Ottawa and the new neighbours are a couple with a baby who are teachers and triathletes at the weekend. They have just arrived on their matching bicycles sans baby and are now walking around the house checking every inch of the exterior very carefully.
I'm sure they'll be lovely.
Himself is despondent. Not without cause.
Craig and Lyse whom we love and who were the best neighbours ever left a month ago and were replaced by a nurse who is on disability which means she sleeps all day and moves furniture around all night and has the LOUDEST LONGEST SEX in the world.
Every night.
When she and 'Peter your Lover' (that's how he signs the notes he leaves on her door) are having loud energetic sex and we are in the garden we have to be sure not to look up at her windows because she often likes to have sex against the window.
It was poor Himself who copped that one night when he was putting the garbage out.
It's actually quite annoying.
At least we know it's not her back is causing her disability.
What's most annoying though is that Peter the Lover usually arrives around seven, so she has long, loud showers in the hour preceding that, which is when Himself arrives home from work covered in diesel actually needing a shower and as our pipes are connected, there's never any water for him.
He got so pissed off yesterday he turned the hot water on and left it to run while she was abluting.
I have never ever seen him do something vindictive. But all his male buddies are abandoning him, see, so poor Himself is upset.
We need a house in its own gardens with no neighbours, and a dog for Himself to play with. That's what we need.
The baby has arrived in a battered old station wagon (the baby is not driving it obviously).
Well, a battered old station wagon is usually a good sign.
And the D key has fallen off my laptop. No D, no K, and two of the cursor keys are now gone.
I possibly may need a new keyboard.
I hate the end of the summer. The Queen Parents leave tonight and then it's Labour Day weekend and then it's back to nose on grindstone for another four months.
The good news is that we will be in Ireland from 22nd December - 5th January.
Well, good news for some anyways.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Bible talk time
It would appear I know my enemy better than I thought I did.
You know the Bible 92%!
Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!
Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes
Monday, August 27, 2007
Sorry but
I was going to blog then I noticed my neighbours who are leaving forever on Wednesday are sitting in their garden, so people being more important than blogging always, sorry but.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Why are sleeplessness and marriage so terrifying?
So I didn't sleep much last night.
First of all, I had a strong coffee after my meal, which is not something I should do without a bucketful of wine to counteract it.
Second of all, I came home and blogged when I was tired which made me wired.
Then I read The Blair Years until my eyes hurt.
And then when I turned the light out I realised that there was roadworks being done somewhere, so that was it for me.
I got up at two and emailed Deveaux in Vietnam, figuring he'd be up.
What the fuck are you doing up at this hour, he responded.
WTF indeed.
It was after three the last time I remember looking at the clock.
Then Himself bounced in the door at 6.30am, got into bed and started talking about getting married.
Needless to say I was not in the mood to talk about anything, much less the single most terrifyinig concept in my world.
A world that includes grizzly bears and drowning.
I think I hurt Himself's feelings. Which I am sorry for, not just because I shouldn't do it, but because he just looks so damned sad when I do. Makes me feel like a nasty Queenie, which I don't mean to be. I'm just a sleepless Queenie, alone and adrift in a big bed for too many hours.
How ironic that I would spend a large part of my twenties feeling alone and adrift because the man I was with refused to contemplate the idea of marriage, and now that I am in my thirties and am with the only man in the world I could probably stay married to, the thought of it makes me feel alone and adrift.
I am probably over-analysing it as I normally do with the choices in life.
However, being a good Irish Catholic girl by instinct (if not by reputation), I think a bit of over-analysing is quite proper.
I was at a funeral recently at which they offered Communion and I didn't go up and told my (Jewish) friend that I wasn't because I was in a state of mortal sin. She just looked at me like I was an idiot and said 'do you follow the rules?'
To which I had no answer.
Some of them, I do.
And saying I do would be one of them.
Not that I would ever get married in a church or by a priest, but I would say I do and mean it.
Not that everyone doesn't I suppose.
But that's kinda scary isn't it.
It's like when I was trying to pass my driving test and I couldn't and there were people whom I knew for a fact to be utter morons and they could pass their test.
And eventually I got so impatient with my own inability to cross whatever psychological barrier needed to be passed to do it that I just went out and did it.
Hopefully, this will be the same.
It's not like I have to make my mind up anytime soon. Himself being wedded to the woman who WOULD BE WEDDED TO HIM FOREVER.
First of all, I had a strong coffee after my meal, which is not something I should do without a bucketful of wine to counteract it.
Second of all, I came home and blogged when I was tired which made me wired.
Then I read The Blair Years until my eyes hurt.
And then when I turned the light out I realised that there was roadworks being done somewhere, so that was it for me.
I got up at two and emailed Deveaux in Vietnam, figuring he'd be up.
What the fuck are you doing up at this hour, he responded.
WTF indeed.
It was after three the last time I remember looking at the clock.
Then Himself bounced in the door at 6.30am, got into bed and started talking about getting married.
Needless to say I was not in the mood to talk about anything, much less the single most terrifyinig concept in my world.
A world that includes grizzly bears and drowning.
I think I hurt Himself's feelings. Which I am sorry for, not just because I shouldn't do it, but because he just looks so damned sad when I do. Makes me feel like a nasty Queenie, which I don't mean to be. I'm just a sleepless Queenie, alone and adrift in a big bed for too many hours.
How ironic that I would spend a large part of my twenties feeling alone and adrift because the man I was with refused to contemplate the idea of marriage, and now that I am in my thirties and am with the only man in the world I could probably stay married to, the thought of it makes me feel alone and adrift.
I am probably over-analysing it as I normally do with the choices in life.
However, being a good Irish Catholic girl by instinct (if not by reputation), I think a bit of over-analysing is quite proper.
I was at a funeral recently at which they offered Communion and I didn't go up and told my (Jewish) friend that I wasn't because I was in a state of mortal sin. She just looked at me like I was an idiot and said 'do you follow the rules?'
To which I had no answer.
Some of them, I do.
And saying I do would be one of them.
Not that I would ever get married in a church or by a priest, but I would say I do and mean it.
Not that everyone doesn't I suppose.
But that's kinda scary isn't it.
It's like when I was trying to pass my driving test and I couldn't and there were people whom I knew for a fact to be utter morons and they could pass their test.
And eventually I got so impatient with my own inability to cross whatever psychological barrier needed to be passed to do it that I just went out and did it.
Hopefully, this will be the same.
It's not like I have to make my mind up anytime soon. Himself being wedded to the woman who WOULD BE WEDDED TO HIM FOREVER.
Monday, August 20, 2007
What happens when you run out of steam?

Hey, I justed turned 35 and I'm wondering whether I should be settling into nicely into painting the back garden. I am still addicted to painting the town red. I think that Dublin right now is a seriously tough place to have a relaxed lifestyle - it's so manic and expensive and it really suits a manic and expensive life. So what happens when I run out steam? Meath? Leitrim? Wicklow?
I have been thinking about this comment for some time. As Luke is the guardian of the spirit of the girl I used to be, am now and always will be, I feel obliged to tackle it.
What happens when you run out of steam?
The Queen Parents took me out for a very nice fish supper with a nice chardonnay to wash it down and then retired; Himself is working nights tonight, which involves playing cards with Greg and keeping the refinery going; absolutely no distractions for Queenie for the next couple of hours.
I have made a nice mix of Cat Power You are Free, Patrick Watson Close to Paradise, and The Magnetic Fields 69 Love Songs to keep me company.
The northwest wind that was sniffing around Halifax for a few days is gone and when we left the restaurant tonight it was muggy and warm again. I dropped the QPs home and then headed up Spring Garden to get some cash and a cab.
It was hoppin'.
For a Monday.
People walking out into the traffic in that 'the air is warm so I'm going to be crazy' way people have when they realise the summer is still on.
What happens when you run out of steam?
You sniff the air and it is intoxicating, but even though your body itches to head down towards your favourite bar, your brain propels you into the ATM unit and back to the cab rank because it is Monday night and you have a week ahead tomorrow.
I sat into the cab and clicked myself in and told cabbie where I wanted to go and sat back for the rush that is a cab drive down the Northwest Arm on a hot August night.
In the absence of going crazy on a Monday night when I have nowhere to be and money to spend, I love summer taxi rides with the window open. I love being propelled forward through the night by a stranger who may or may not talk to you about something interesting or crazy or just banal.
Sometimes the idea is better than the reality, isn't it.
We hit a light pretty much straight away. It was a long one. I started to notice a weird smell in the cab. Then I noticed that cabbie's hair was a bit 'messy'.
Also, he was gnawing his finger knuckles and making a strange bronchial sucking sound.
When I say gnawing, I mean he had three of them in his mouth and when I say bronchial I mean Denis Hopper in the rape scene in Blue Velvet.
The smell was getting worse.
There was no window opening device in the back of the cab.
We hit road works on Bell St. and cabbie was in the wrong lane. It was closed for repairs. He peered through his enormously thick lenses into the car in the next lane. He was trying to see if the girl in the car would let him into the lane I think, but she took one look at whatever his look said to her and REACTED.
Then she looked at me.
I shrugged.
Which is hard to do when you've stopped breathing because of the smell in the cab.
She mouthed something at me.... don't know what it was.
Probably something along the lines of 'just shout if you need help'.
It was only a cab ride.
I've done worse things on a Monday.
Long pause while nothing happened because the guy working the stop-go sign was having a spliff break or something.
Cabbie did a u-ie in the middle of the road and we sped off down the other route.
We passed the church on North St.
The sign which I always read when I pass this church said 'I came to bring fire to the world and how I wish it were already kindled' (Luke 12:49).
Sometimes you pass that church and it says something really religious. And sometimes you pass it and it says what you've been thinking all day.
As we drove past I craned my neck to see if it was repeated on the other side of the sign, as I hadn't caught the verse number.
'Golf tournament, for details call 4** 2***'
Is that what happens when you run out of steam?
Eventually I got the drive down the NorthWest Arm but the smell meant the rush was not the rush I intended.
Through the Rotary. Which is a Cretan labryinth of red and black traffic bollards at the moment. Cabbie drove ve-ry slowly round due to the lack of eyesight.
Up the hill and he took his sweet time about getting me my change.
Finally I got out of the smell and got my evening back.
WHY ARE HALIFAX CABS SO EFFING SMELLY? IT'S EFFING EMBARRASSING.
So anyways, what happens when you run out of steam?
I am reading Alastair Campbell's diaries at the moment. I am obsessed with them. They are the most accurate description of working for a politician I have ever read and I have read them all.
A former colleague recently pointed out to me that the problem with where I work is that everyone there acts like they are five years old all the time. And I took that incredibly accurate observation on board and resolved to grow up and be twelve, at least.
On a good day anyway.
And after having done that for a month with all the self-control that that entailed, I start reading this book and realise that the architects of New Labour all acted like they were five.
All the time.
The whole book is peppered with Mandelson having a hissy fit about nobody listening to him. And Gordon Brown having a sulk because no one listens to him. And Robin Cook plotting against everyone because he is the smartest person in the universe and yet nobody listens to him. And Prescott trying to beat up people because they won't listen to him. And Clare Shortt fucking everything up for everyone on the Channel 4 news, because she is the conscience of the party and nobody listens to her.
And Harriet Harman and Mo Mowlam are just appalling. All the time.
And Cherie having a tantrum because Alastair sees more of Tony than she does.
And Alastair having a fit because Tony didn't care enough about his ulcerative colitis.
And Tony Blair in the middle of it all sitting on a bed in a chateau somewhere playing air guitar with his underpants on his head saying, for fuck's sake, we're trying to be the government here, can we all stop acting like we're five
Change a few names and we have every political party I have ever worked for.
It sounds like they had a lot of laughs at their own expense. Which is the same for every political party I have ever worked for. Which is why I still do it even though I feel like I have run out of ideas most of the time.
Himself just called and said one of the boilers is not working, so he has run out of steam for sure tonight.
I don't think I ever ran out of steam. I don't think that was what happened.
Honestly.
One day I had a life that involved dinners with ambassadors and weekends in draughty cottages in the west of Ireland with appallingly arrogant Guardian journalists and race meetings with dodgy millionaires and ladies' room chats about other people with drunk female politicians and parties in all the best places and knowing whose intellect was propped up with cocaine and whose was propped up by their wife and what Nobel Laureate to avoid because he was a fucking sexual deviant and which one was the party bore.
And the next day that life was over.
And I never missed that life.
Not for a minute.
Because apart from the fact that all experiences pall after a while, I had moved on and I had a life that involved being on my own and being in total control of what I did and I never had to watch my words or spend an eternity at some boring PR witch's theatre supper because some better guest had dropped out at the last minute and I got to hang out with the best kind of rock band - the professional touring band - which involved nights in the Camden Palace snooker hall and too many pints and then a walk in the Wicklow mountains in the rain with my favourite people in the world.
And then I had a moment of utter silence in the most expensive shoe box I had ever bought and realised that a life without the background noise of the real universe is not a life and decided that I should try to find that soundtrack and live in it.
And sometimes I miss that life.
But I remember every single second of it and when I get achey for it I just tell Himself stories about it and he appreciates hearing about the me that was me before the me that is me now.
And so do I.
And now I have a life that quite improbably and remarkably involves a seamless shift between the ridiculously pompous work of trying to figure out what is the best option for the society I live in and putting it out there safe in the knowledge that when I am wrong someone smarter than me will spot that and call me and tell me to cop the fuck on...
... and the times when I just sit in what's left of the wilderness from which that society was carved and listen to a trio of woodpeckers bore into a spruce bole.
And a whole bunch of creative, ridiculous five year olds to hang out with during the week.
And I don't have to feel guilty about how I spend my money, or my time, or my carbon, or my emotions.
It's not that I ran out of steam.
I just ran out of reasons not to live my life the way I am supposed to this time round.
So I suppose if you are living a life that you choose and it is the life you are meant to be living then you will never run out of steam.
Did you come to bring fire to the world, Luke?
Yes. Definitely.
Are you wishing it was already kindled?
If you are not then you are in the right place.
If you are then know that it is, somewhere and go find it.
And if you're not sure, then come to Bear Cove next August where we'll be kindling a fire.
Like the one in the photo. That's last year's fire I think.
Maybe some whales will come in to feed when the moon is overhead.
We might see a coyote on his nightly run.
We could even hear a shark take a seal.
I have to warn you though, it takes a long time for a seal to die from a shark bite.
And it's very bronchial.
In a Dennis Hopper kind of way.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Vikings apologise.... finally
From the Guardian:
More than 1,200 years ago hordes of bloodthirsty Viking raiders descended on Ireland, pillaging monasteries and massacring the inhabitants. Yesterday, one of their more mild-mannered descendants stepped ashore to apologise.
The Danish culture minister, Brian Mikkelson, who was in Dublin to participate in celebrations marking the arrival of a replica Norse longboat, apologised for the invasion and destruction inflicted. "In Denmark we are certainly proud of this ship, but we are not proud of the damages to the people of Ireland that followed in the footsteps of the Vikings," Mr Mikkelson declared in his welcoming speech delivered on the dockside at the river Liffey. "But the warmth and friendliness with which you greet us today and the Viking ship show us that, luckily, it has all been forgiven."
Of course, when I demanded an apology from the National Museum in Copenhagen, circa 1998 -99 I think, for neglecting to mention the rape and pillage their people had inflicted on mine during the Viking raids, they just laughed at me and said that history was written by the winners.
The section of the museum that dealt with that time was a total whitewash. Along the lines of 'during this period in history, the Danes farmed and built ships to travel to other lands'. Got me right riled up at the time.
Glad to see they've seen sense at last.
Wonder whether they will change the museum exhibit now?
More than 1,200 years ago hordes of bloodthirsty Viking raiders descended on Ireland, pillaging monasteries and massacring the inhabitants. Yesterday, one of their more mild-mannered descendants stepped ashore to apologise.
The Danish culture minister, Brian Mikkelson, who was in Dublin to participate in celebrations marking the arrival of a replica Norse longboat, apologised for the invasion and destruction inflicted. "In Denmark we are certainly proud of this ship, but we are not proud of the damages to the people of Ireland that followed in the footsteps of the Vikings," Mr Mikkelson declared in his welcoming speech delivered on the dockside at the river Liffey. "But the warmth and friendliness with which you greet us today and the Viking ship show us that, luckily, it has all been forgiven."
Of course, when I demanded an apology from the National Museum in Copenhagen, circa 1998 -99 I think, for neglecting to mention the rape and pillage their people had inflicted on mine during the Viking raids, they just laughed at me and said that history was written by the winners.
The section of the museum that dealt with that time was a total whitewash. Along the lines of 'during this period in history, the Danes farmed and built ships to travel to other lands'. Got me right riled up at the time.
Glad to see they've seen sense at last.
Wonder whether they will change the museum exhibit now?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Shelbird Lake - the Inside Passage of Nova Scotia
A big regret was that the Monkeys and us didn't get to go camping. We were going to head down to Bear Falls and I went so far as to book a spot, but it poured rain that weekend, so we did the city break thing of coffee shops and book shops and spent time in Doulls buying second hand books, and then spent more time sipping cappucino in the PaperChase. Which was cool because they had the front of the shop down (it's all glass) and there was an almighty thunder and lightening storm which we got to watch from a sofa.
As usual in Doulls, I went in with nothing particularly in mind and got some great books just by wandering around a bit:
Jonathan Raban's Coasting, and his Passage to Juneau.
Colin Thubron's Behind the Wall (I have nearly all of his work now).
Wayne Johnston's The Custodian of Paradise (I have everything of his now).
and Mrs. Monkey bought me Ahab's Wife.
Added to that, I got Vikram Chandra's Sacred Games, and Orhan Pamuk's Snow for my birthday.
Also, I got an Amazon voucher which I used to buy Michael Chabon's The Yiddish Policeman's Union, as well as some books on Costa Rica which I am going to use to whet my appetite and try to get myself organised to go there sometime.
And I also bought Michael Ondjaate's Desiridata.
So the last four weeks have been mainly about trying to get all these books read.
I got through Sacred Games in about ten days, despite its size. Great book. Great great great. A most wonderful description of Mumbai. I spent most of the time I was reading dreaming about Indian food, to the extent that I broke off one day and cooked a biryani because I wanted one so badly. Well, I tried to cook and read at the same time, so it wasn't the best biryani in the world, and then I didn't have any yoghurt so I had to put the book DOWN and drive to the supermarket to get the yoghurt. And then because I had growled at Himself for being in the same world that did that to me and I had to leave the book down while we ate and be nice to him, the break actually kept me from the book for an entire hour, the biryani was probably a mistake.
You always know when you have a great book because the only time you stop to eat is if you can prepare the food while reading the book. That's why I always have cheese and crackers in the house.
Nevertheless, I got through the next part of the book with a lovely full tummy and the slight taste of yoghurt and cumin in the back of my throat so it was nearly as good as being in India.
Great characterisation, and a great description of the politics that nearly tore Mumbai apart in the nineties, and which will probably nearly do so again sometime soon.
Very strange ending though. The book ends. And then there's this totally random epilogue, which creates a sense of 'oh yeah, how interesting'. But I felt the ending was not expanded enough and the epilogue was a bit of a rush job on a sub-plot that the author insisted be left in.
It would be interesting to know whether his editor agreed with him.
After that I tackled Raban.
Coasting first.
He took off on a converted fishing boat to coast around the UK coastline while Thatcher broke the miners and declared war on Argentina over the Falklands.
Coasting was pretty easy. It's only a small thin volume, so I started using the lovely yellow organic cotton bag that my friend Barbara sent me for my birthday and just took it out every time I had a minute.
In fact, the bag is now my handbag of choice because I can fit my book and my camera and my coffee mug and all the rest of my crap in it and I am SET for the summer.
I will cry when I wear a hole in the bottom of it, as I will do because I wreck every bag I love through overuse.
Think small girl trailing dirty one-armed teddy bear through mud, fast-forwarded thirty years.
So the attempt to read the book in between the chaos that is my summer went off pretty well and I still managed to get enough time to sit around and think about Raban's views on life, love and the importance of being in touch with the ocean. Which is an important part of life.
If you are interested in politics, or English people, or class structures, or the sea, and you ever find a copy of this book buy it and bring it home and treasure it.
I was so energised by Raban's writing that I decided to head straight into Passage to Juneau. I reckoned that I would be sorted for this one, even though it's a lot longer than Coasting, because Himself and I were having OUR WEEKEND.
It had been a long time in the coming. Since January, we have been raising a teenager. Then when she went home for the summer, we have hosted innumerable barbeques, backyard parties, camping trips, evenings in, evenings out, worked pretty solidly and kept the cogs of life going.
We sat looking at each other one evening over the dinner table and said:
HOW ABOUT WE SPEND THE WEEKEND TOGETHER, DUDE?
Enter Syd.
I work with Syd.
We did a two day work trip up the Eastern Shore a few weeks back and on the way home I told Syd that Himself and I love to camp.
Syd had a camp.
Way back in the woods.
Would we like to stay there sometime.
Would we what!
I went home and told Himself.
Himself didn't talk about anything else for the ten days it took to get three days off and the key from Syd.
We drove ninety minutes up the Eastern Shore and inland to Mooseland.
Yes, boys and girls, there is a place in Nova Scotia called Mooseland.
Syd got out his four wheeler and we drove down a back road for a couple of miles and met him and his wife Nancy at a crossroads.
Yes, boys and girls, I work with a Syd who is married to a Nancy.
Then we drove down an old logging road for forty kilometres.
Poor Albert is scratched to death.
Then we hiked in another mile.
And then we were at Shelbird Lake. At the edge of the Grand Tangier Great Lake Wilderness.
Syd and Nancy showed us the cabin and helped us unpack and then they left.
Me. Himself. A cabin with no electricity. A lake. The fog rolling in. A thunderstorm in the distance.
I was out on the rocks by the lake calling loons before you could say Canada's national bird.
After about four minutes one started calling me back.
Another thirty minutes later, Mr and Mrs Loon came to visit me.
Oh joy...... I just love loons.
Himself was on the other rock fishing.
Before we arrived, we had struck a deal. I would read. He would fish. When it was too dark to do either we would sit in the night air and watch the stars come out one by one. When it was too damp to do that we would sit in the cabin and talk in the candlelight. When it was too late to do that we would sleep in the FANTABULOUS new double sleeping bag that the Monkeys donated to the Himself and Queenie camping equipment fund.
Next day we struck off on a hike and got EATEN by horseflies. After that we confined ourselves to the lake. We had a little rowboat and we paddled around the entire circumferance of the lake, explored every nook and cranny, cast for trout in every deep pool, punted up every brook that led to the Great Tangier Lake that loomed on the far side of the trees.
A very dangerous lake for wind apparently. We stuck to Shelbird.
The first day was foggy and mysterious and we couldn't see past the trees on the side of the lake. But it was very warm so we didn't care. Raban was travelling up the Inside Passage from Seattle and telling me about Captain Vancouver's trip to map it for the English Crown. He had a miserable time, old Vancouver, but Raban's empathy overrode the nasty character he seemed to be. I felt sorry for him, hemmed in on all sides by trees and fog and water. Himself and I talk constantly about what it must be like to have been the first white man to explore Canada. I suppose our little trips into the woods are an attempt to recapture that feeling somewhat.
I spent the day in a delicious fug of Canadian wilderness fear disorder.
Unfortunately, the bear I was hoping for (they are still roaming the Tangier) didn't turn up.
Jonathan Raban saw lots of them of course. I think he is as scared of them as I am.
On the second day the sun blazed and we spent most of the day in the boat. Two men passed by on the far side of the lake in a kayak. Four ducks came and swam in our brook for a while. A family of woodpeckers took up residence in a tree and bored it for about an hour.
Busy day.
We went skinny dipping in the lake and fished some more and I travelled up the Inside Passage from Seattle to Juneau with Jonathan Raban as he tried to make sense of his life. At night watching the stars we tried to do the same.
Same stars.
By the last day Himself had, understandably seeing as it was thirty degrees and August, not caught a trout. Jonathan Raban had lost his father to cancer and been dumped most heartlessly in Juneau by his wife.
I didn't know who I felt worse for.
I do know that despite the fact that I was eaten alive by horseflies on day one, gave myself a black eye on the bunkbed frame on night two and hauled a hundredweight of gear in and out a narrow woodland path, I wouldn't have missed this weekend for the world.
Pictures under the heading.
When we got home I headed straight into Thubron's Behind the Wall, which is a portrait of China circa 1988 I think. It was very interesting too, a very deep meditation on the why of the Chinese personality's ability to take part in the Cultural Revolution.
And I just finished Pamuk's Snow.
I am going to have to read it again. I have a feeling it is the Ulysses of Turkish literature. Far too much in it for me to absorb in one reading. Especially the way I devour books.
He definitely deserved his Nobel Prize.
More about that anon. Hands are tired now.
As usual in Doulls, I went in with nothing particularly in mind and got some great books just by wandering around a bit:
Jonathan Raban's Coasting, and his Passage to Juneau.
Colin Thubron's Behind the Wall (I have nearly all of his work now).
Wayne Johnston's The Custodian of Paradise (I have everything of his now).
and Mrs. Monkey bought me Ahab's Wife.
Added to that, I got Vikram Chandra's Sacred Games, and Orhan Pamuk's Snow for my birthday.
Also, I got an Amazon voucher which I used to buy Michael Chabon's The Yiddish Policeman's Union, as well as some books on Costa Rica which I am going to use to whet my appetite and try to get myself organised to go there sometime.
And I also bought Michael Ondjaate's Desiridata.
So the last four weeks have been mainly about trying to get all these books read.
I got through Sacred Games in about ten days, despite its size. Great book. Great great great. A most wonderful description of Mumbai. I spent most of the time I was reading dreaming about Indian food, to the extent that I broke off one day and cooked a biryani because I wanted one so badly. Well, I tried to cook and read at the same time, so it wasn't the best biryani in the world, and then I didn't have any yoghurt so I had to put the book DOWN and drive to the supermarket to get the yoghurt. And then because I had growled at Himself for being in the same world that did that to me and I had to leave the book down while we ate and be nice to him, the break actually kept me from the book for an entire hour, the biryani was probably a mistake.
You always know when you have a great book because the only time you stop to eat is if you can prepare the food while reading the book. That's why I always have cheese and crackers in the house.
Nevertheless, I got through the next part of the book with a lovely full tummy and the slight taste of yoghurt and cumin in the back of my throat so it was nearly as good as being in India.
Great characterisation, and a great description of the politics that nearly tore Mumbai apart in the nineties, and which will probably nearly do so again sometime soon.
Very strange ending though. The book ends. And then there's this totally random epilogue, which creates a sense of 'oh yeah, how interesting'. But I felt the ending was not expanded enough and the epilogue was a bit of a rush job on a sub-plot that the author insisted be left in.
It would be interesting to know whether his editor agreed with him.
After that I tackled Raban.
Coasting first.
He took off on a converted fishing boat to coast around the UK coastline while Thatcher broke the miners and declared war on Argentina over the Falklands.
Coasting was pretty easy. It's only a small thin volume, so I started using the lovely yellow organic cotton bag that my friend Barbara sent me for my birthday and just took it out every time I had a minute.
In fact, the bag is now my handbag of choice because I can fit my book and my camera and my coffee mug and all the rest of my crap in it and I am SET for the summer.
I will cry when I wear a hole in the bottom of it, as I will do because I wreck every bag I love through overuse.
Think small girl trailing dirty one-armed teddy bear through mud, fast-forwarded thirty years.
So the attempt to read the book in between the chaos that is my summer went off pretty well and I still managed to get enough time to sit around and think about Raban's views on life, love and the importance of being in touch with the ocean. Which is an important part of life.
If you are interested in politics, or English people, or class structures, or the sea, and you ever find a copy of this book buy it and bring it home and treasure it.
I was so energised by Raban's writing that I decided to head straight into Passage to Juneau. I reckoned that I would be sorted for this one, even though it's a lot longer than Coasting, because Himself and I were having OUR WEEKEND.
It had been a long time in the coming. Since January, we have been raising a teenager. Then when she went home for the summer, we have hosted innumerable barbeques, backyard parties, camping trips, evenings in, evenings out, worked pretty solidly and kept the cogs of life going.
We sat looking at each other one evening over the dinner table and said:
HOW ABOUT WE SPEND THE WEEKEND TOGETHER, DUDE?
Enter Syd.
I work with Syd.
We did a two day work trip up the Eastern Shore a few weeks back and on the way home I told Syd that Himself and I love to camp.
Syd had a camp.
Way back in the woods.
Would we like to stay there sometime.
Would we what!
I went home and told Himself.
Himself didn't talk about anything else for the ten days it took to get three days off and the key from Syd.
We drove ninety minutes up the Eastern Shore and inland to Mooseland.
Yes, boys and girls, there is a place in Nova Scotia called Mooseland.
Syd got out his four wheeler and we drove down a back road for a couple of miles and met him and his wife Nancy at a crossroads.
Yes, boys and girls, I work with a Syd who is married to a Nancy.
Then we drove down an old logging road for forty kilometres.
Poor Albert is scratched to death.
Then we hiked in another mile.
And then we were at Shelbird Lake. At the edge of the Grand Tangier Great Lake Wilderness.
Syd and Nancy showed us the cabin and helped us unpack and then they left.
Me. Himself. A cabin with no electricity. A lake. The fog rolling in. A thunderstorm in the distance.
I was out on the rocks by the lake calling loons before you could say Canada's national bird.
After about four minutes one started calling me back.
Another thirty minutes later, Mr and Mrs Loon came to visit me.
Oh joy...... I just love loons.
Himself was on the other rock fishing.
Before we arrived, we had struck a deal. I would read. He would fish. When it was too dark to do either we would sit in the night air and watch the stars come out one by one. When it was too damp to do that we would sit in the cabin and talk in the candlelight. When it was too late to do that we would sleep in the FANTABULOUS new double sleeping bag that the Monkeys donated to the Himself and Queenie camping equipment fund.
Next day we struck off on a hike and got EATEN by horseflies. After that we confined ourselves to the lake. We had a little rowboat and we paddled around the entire circumferance of the lake, explored every nook and cranny, cast for trout in every deep pool, punted up every brook that led to the Great Tangier Lake that loomed on the far side of the trees.
A very dangerous lake for wind apparently. We stuck to Shelbird.
The first day was foggy and mysterious and we couldn't see past the trees on the side of the lake. But it was very warm so we didn't care. Raban was travelling up the Inside Passage from Seattle and telling me about Captain Vancouver's trip to map it for the English Crown. He had a miserable time, old Vancouver, but Raban's empathy overrode the nasty character he seemed to be. I felt sorry for him, hemmed in on all sides by trees and fog and water. Himself and I talk constantly about what it must be like to have been the first white man to explore Canada. I suppose our little trips into the woods are an attempt to recapture that feeling somewhat.
I spent the day in a delicious fug of Canadian wilderness fear disorder.
Unfortunately, the bear I was hoping for (they are still roaming the Tangier) didn't turn up.
Jonathan Raban saw lots of them of course. I think he is as scared of them as I am.
On the second day the sun blazed and we spent most of the day in the boat. Two men passed by on the far side of the lake in a kayak. Four ducks came and swam in our brook for a while. A family of woodpeckers took up residence in a tree and bored it for about an hour.
Busy day.
We went skinny dipping in the lake and fished some more and I travelled up the Inside Passage from Seattle to Juneau with Jonathan Raban as he tried to make sense of his life. At night watching the stars we tried to do the same.
Same stars.
By the last day Himself had, understandably seeing as it was thirty degrees and August, not caught a trout. Jonathan Raban had lost his father to cancer and been dumped most heartlessly in Juneau by his wife.
I didn't know who I felt worse for.
I do know that despite the fact that I was eaten alive by horseflies on day one, gave myself a black eye on the bunkbed frame on night two and hauled a hundredweight of gear in and out a narrow woodland path, I wouldn't have missed this weekend for the world.
Pictures under the heading.
When we got home I headed straight into Thubron's Behind the Wall, which is a portrait of China circa 1988 I think. It was very interesting too, a very deep meditation on the why of the Chinese personality's ability to take part in the Cultural Revolution.
And I just finished Pamuk's Snow.
I am going to have to read it again. I have a feeling it is the Ulysses of Turkish literature. Far too much in it for me to absorb in one reading. Especially the way I devour books.
He definitely deserved his Nobel Prize.
More about that anon. Hands are tired now.
Washer toss - the sport of Queens. And Monkeys.
Well, it's been a very full four weeks.
Firstly, Mr. and Mrs. Monkey were here. That involved a lot of shopping for food and wine and obscure Canadian beers; preparation and consumption of aforementioned food, wine and obscure Canadian beers, followed by work, repeat as necessary.
Gone are the days when the Monkeys and I would tear the town apart, put it back together and paint it red in search of a good time. We have settled nicely into painting the back garden a nice orange firelight glow.
Seen through the nice wine glass.
But it was great to see them. It's great to see them particularly, but it's also great to spend time with people who know you since forever and just get you, so you don't have to work out whether their facial expressions mean you have overstepped some invisible Canadian social boundary.
Which are legion.
If you overstep the boundary with people who know you forever, they just tell you to fuck off. In a nice way of course.
And of course it was even better because Mrs. Monkey and I proved yet again the superiority of the female species by whupping male ass in the washer toss stakes.
Washer toss is the best game.

The two boxes you see in the picture above are placed approximately twenty feet apart. Two teams of two people each play, a member of each team behind each box. You take turns to throw washers into the box. Within a stick's length of the box is one point; in the box is two points; in the white tube (which is inside the box) is three points. First team to twenty one wins.
Easy peasy.
Even if you've had a few beers. It's all about the heft of the washer in your hand as you let it fly in the air.
My weren't Himself and Mr. Monkey flailing around in a sea of missed opportunity and overshot throwing attempts.
Ha!
We had to give up after a while, such was the sulking that was going on. And when we let them win a game - the overbearing sense of superiority (quickly diminished by a swift kicking in the following two games) was pretty unpalatable.
I fear, although our menfolk are excellent in the areas of providing, caring, loving and doing their share of the housework, they show their true colours in the area of washer toss.
We didn't let it spoil our evenings though.
Me and Mrs. Monkey didn't, I mean.
The Queen Parents are coming for a two week stay on Saturday; I wonder how the Queen Dad will take his beating at washer toss.
Firstly, Mr. and Mrs. Monkey were here. That involved a lot of shopping for food and wine and obscure Canadian beers; preparation and consumption of aforementioned food, wine and obscure Canadian beers, followed by work, repeat as necessary.
Gone are the days when the Monkeys and I would tear the town apart, put it back together and paint it red in search of a good time. We have settled nicely into painting the back garden a nice orange firelight glow.
Seen through the nice wine glass.
But it was great to see them. It's great to see them particularly, but it's also great to spend time with people who know you since forever and just get you, so you don't have to work out whether their facial expressions mean you have overstepped some invisible Canadian social boundary.
Which are legion.
If you overstep the boundary with people who know you forever, they just tell you to fuck off. In a nice way of course.
And of course it was even better because Mrs. Monkey and I proved yet again the superiority of the female species by whupping male ass in the washer toss stakes.
Washer toss is the best game.

The two boxes you see in the picture above are placed approximately twenty feet apart. Two teams of two people each play, a member of each team behind each box. You take turns to throw washers into the box. Within a stick's length of the box is one point; in the box is two points; in the white tube (which is inside the box) is three points. First team to twenty one wins.
Easy peasy.
Even if you've had a few beers. It's all about the heft of the washer in your hand as you let it fly in the air.
My weren't Himself and Mr. Monkey flailing around in a sea of missed opportunity and overshot throwing attempts.
Ha!
We had to give up after a while, such was the sulking that was going on. And when we let them win a game - the overbearing sense of superiority (quickly diminished by a swift kicking in the following two games) was pretty unpalatable.
I fear, although our menfolk are excellent in the areas of providing, caring, loving and doing their share of the housework, they show their true colours in the area of washer toss.
We didn't let it spoil our evenings though.
Me and Mrs. Monkey didn't, I mean.
The Queen Parents are coming for a two week stay on Saturday; I wonder how the Queen Dad will take his beating at washer toss.
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