What do ‘they’ know?

They say love is blind. What do ‘they’ know?

Love is not blind. Love is x-ray vision.

And who are they, anyways?

Sometimes Queenie thinks ‘they’ could well be a species of elegant, wasted aliens who watch us from an unseen holding position, somewhere in the midst of the vast rubbish tip with which we have marked our presence. Hovering there in a spaceship shaped like a martini glass, mourning their own recently destroyed home planet, whose spoilt, petted, overwrought-through-overindulgence civilisation hobbled and swayed in capricious, overpriced shoes to an apocalyptic conclusion.

Bereft of a homeland, they circle ours, sending trite messages of encouragement to us through their manipulation of our international media satellites. Exercising a peculiar kind of mind control over us by creating a global pandemic of sex/ marriage/ parenting/ citizenship/ new man-dad/ groovy urban chick gurus that surely signifies the almost end of everything here on Earth.

I know this sounds a bit far-fetched, but I can’t think of any other explanation for Roisin Ingle’s success.

But that’s probably just Queenie’s overactive imagination. Probably ‘they’ are just some people her mother/ friend/ the woman on the bus made up when she is trying to comfort her. No small task when a girl is inconsolable.

But never so inconsolable that she doesn’t want to give ‘they’ a smack for being wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

No, you say?

Ahaa, says Queenie. Want me to prove it?

‘They’ say there’s plenty more fish in the sea.

NOT ANY MORE THERE ISN’T!!

Sigh… A girl could spend her life trying to figure out who ‘they’ are.

But not today. Today she’s going to figure out the meaning of love. She's been meaning to do it for a while.

It’s Sunday in Halifax. The confluence of the tail-end of Hurricane Wilma and the beginning of hurricane Alpha has dumped a lake-full of rain on the city; there’s nothing to do, so Queenie’s making a mix. It’s called the Love is X-Ray Vision Mix, and it’s dedicated to all those people out there who are once bitten twice shy. Well, one in particular.

You know who you are dude! Just go for it, will you. Do I have to send your little brother down there to sort you out?

Yes, I know that would be nice. Let’s not go there today. Queenie doesn’t want to be sad today.

Anyways, the mix.

A Punch-up at a Wedding (No No No No No No)
Radiohead: Hail to the Thief

This song has a long heavy summer evening of an intro, opening with a piano-led riff that makes you want to put your head on an anvil and beat it with a hammer, thereby inducing the same feelings as those accompanying a bad relationship, whilst Thom gets going by intoning the immortal lines:

I don’t know why you bother
nothing's ever good enough for you.
(by the way) I was there and it wasn't like that.

Oh yes, we’ve all been there.

That’s the thing.

We---have---all---been---there.

You know when you get stuck in a relationship with one of these types…. passive-aggressive dude, or superior-smug-supercilious dude, or sneaky wanker guy, or plain ole crazy dude. Or girl. What’s the female equivalent of a wanker?

Anyways, relationships like those are lethal to a person’s confidence. But because you had a bad relationship doesn’t mean they’re all going to be bad, now does it?

Lightening doesn’t strike the same place twice, as ‘they’ say. Yes, I know we’ve established that ‘they’ are wrong in the fish case. Okay, I accept that lightening can indeed strike twice. Actually, I think you already proved that this summer didn’t you!

I’d say three times is probably a long shot, though. Wouldn’t you agree?

A Pair of Brown Eyes
Christy Moore: Live at Vicar St.

A rovin’, a rovin’, a rovin’ I’ll go
For a pair of brown eyes.

I love this song. It always reminds me of summers at home.

Now it reminds me of that night we had the party down at Flour Cove. For reasons I won’t go into. Suffice it to say that we Irish are very alike some times.

I’ve just remembered I have the remains of a bottle of vodka in the freezer. Maybe that would take the edge of the horrendous mood I’m in today. I hope I have some orange juice.

Alice
Tom Waits: Alice

I did, but then I forgot to have the drink. I hardly drink at all at the moment. And I don't feel any healthier.

Okay, let’s see if we can get this mother finished before Desperate Housewives. I’ve been fiddling with it all day. So bored. Dark wet Sundays. At least I don’t have to go back to boarding school. Which is what I used to have to do one year on dark wet Sundays. Scarred for life by it I am.

Ah no, I’m not. None of my psychic scars have anything to do with my upbringing. They are all completely my own fault. All that crap yer man Biffa spouts in The Observer every week – I don’t believe a word of it.

It’s dreamy weather…
Along an icy pond with a frozen moon

I’m flying to Edmonton in a couple of weeks. We’re going to go to the West Edmonton Mall, which is of course, the biggest shopping mall in the world. It has an ice rink and a lake and a funfair and lots and lots of shops. It will be cold. And I may skate. I don’t think I’d be up to skating Alice in the ice though.

I’ll be seeing icy ponds that weekend anyway, and frozen moons.

Well, maybe not. I’ve been needling Himself in Alberta all day. Due to being bored mainly, but also due to my usual weekend bout of ‘what the hell am I doing going out with someone who lives in Alberta? Come home or else I'll needle you to death!’ Anyway, the needling finally worked. He didn’t text me back after the last one.

Oops…

I never learn, do I?

But that doesn’t mean you can’t, dude! Change the patterns of a lifetime. After all, she’s not moving to Alberta, is she? Far from it, I hear, if my spies are correct.

I just don’t think I’ll ever get over you
Colin Hay: Going Somewhere/ Garden State soundtrack

This guy used to be the singer for Men At Work. Remember them?

I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived 'til I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you.

This is a beautiful song. It’s about a man who cannot get over his lost love. Unfortunately, the sentiments behind the song are the kind of sentiments that drive me UTTERLY BONKERS. Because it is nothing but a big cop out of the sort that women don’t do. Women just get up off the floor, pull themselves together, put on a bit of slap, go out and find another bloke eventually.
Because they know that love is not blind.

That love is in fact x-ray vision.

Men sit around and mope. Then they go out and get laid. Then they mope some more. Then they get laid some more. Then they meet a nice woman. Then they panic. Then they use the ‘I just can’t get over you’ excuse as an escape clause.

We’re onto you guys! Okay. I’ll say nothing more.

Come Pick Me Up
Ryan Adams: Heartbreaker

I wish you’d make up my bed
So I could make up my mind
Try it for sleeping instead
Maybe you’ll rest sometime
I wish I could

I think Ryan Adams is a bit Garth Brooks, but this is okay. I’ve put this in because this is the kind of music they should be playing in Legends. Not that R n B shite they were playing the night we were there. Oh, you weren’t there, were you!!

Never mind. You didn’t miss anything. Which is another point I would be ramming home if you had rung me like you told your mother you were going to.

IO (This Time Around)
HELEN STELLaR: Below Radar EP

HELEN STELLaR is a band from California I think. I like this song. It reminds me of the stuff Kevin Shields wrote for Lost in Translation. Lots of tricky piano melody, with a good guitar underneath and dreamy repetitive lyrics.

This time around
You can be anyone

That kind of sums it up really.

Except it’s not true, really, due to the truth of the fact that love is x-ray vision, which I keep alluding to and which I will get around to eventually if I could just sit down for more than four minutes without googling or getting up to get something to eat or just faffing.

CALM DOWN AND FINISH FOR CHRISSAKES, SO WE CAN ALL GO TO BED!!!!!!!!!!

Ain’t Got Nobody
Stereo MCs: Supernatural

I put this on because the sk8ter kid’s foot started tapping madly every time he heard the Stereos, that weekend when I played the twelve hour mix. Which reminds me I have to write my Frank’s article this week. Damn, damn, damn. Why is it that I always forget? I’m planning an article dedicated to the sk8ter kid, entitled No, dude, I’ve never heard of April Wine! That’s as far as I’ve got.

Ach, it’ll come to me one of the days.

Anyways, x-ray vision. X-ray vision is conceptually the polar opposite of beer goggles. X-ray vision is what occurs when you see a person at their worst or close to, and you decide you love them anyway. That’s why true love is never blind. It’s x-ray. It cuts through the surface, down to the core.

And if you’ve got that kind of love pinning you in a corner somewhere, it’s pretty scary. There’s nowhere to hide.

But think of the benefits. I’ll leave you to think about them for a minute while I groove to the Stereos, who always bring me right back to when I was nineteen and thought I was a goddess.
So much simpler being thirty-five and being burdened with all the administrative responsibilities that that entails.

Smirk.

Ain’t no Sunshine when she’s gone
Bill Withers: Just the two of us

Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
And she’s always gone too long
When she goes away

Is that how it feels? If it is, then you know what to do, don’t you?

After Midnight
JJ Cale: Naturally

After midnight, we’re going to let it all hang out
After midnight, going to shake your tam(my)bourine

I crack myself up sometimes I do.

I’m just really bored. You know what I’d give my left arm for? A weekend away in a cottage, with some good friends. And a big fire. And loads of nice wine. And a slap up meal cooked by Eileen. And some good tunes. And a great chat.

And then coming up with something crazy to do after midnight. Something to talk about for weeks afterwards.

I have yet to find a Canadian who shares my love for all of these things. I have found Canadians who like some of these things. The wine is the killer. They don’t seem to have the gra for wine that we Europeans have. Unless it’s fucking April Wine.

Nevermind, the search continues. It strikes me sometimes though that I’m not going to find it here in my bedroom.

All the way home
Bruce Springsteen: Dust and Devils

I like this album even though when I play individual songs out of context, I only like two of them - this one and the title track. This is an old one he's shaken up a bit.

Well now our old fears and failures
Baby, they do linger
Like the shadow of that ring
That was on your finger
Those days they've come and gone
Baby, I could walk you all the way home

The Boss knows what he’s talking about. He messed it up royally once, but then he found Patti and he’s grand now. And he’s The Boss.

And he says 'baby' in a really cool way.

I remember being at his Tunnel of Love gig in the RDS in 1989 (my nineteenth birthday actually), and seeing the way he was looking at Patti, and just KNOWING….(that whatsername was on the way out).

Lay Lady Lay
Bob Dylan: Nashville Skyline

I can never believe its Bob singing on this. It doesn’t sound like him. Well, it sounds like him singing whilst being strangled by the Blob.

How’s the blob doing by the way? Has it covered all the lobsters yet? Or are they still crawling into pots like there’s no tomorrow?

Monkey
Low: The Great Destroyer

Oh my my
Little white lie
I swear I’m going to make it right this time

Great song. I prefer Low when they’re playing their guitars LOUDLY. I checked out their website today and they have pictures of their daughter signing their new cd. Cute or puke, depending on what part of the moon cycle you’re in.

A big penny just dropped on my head while I was listening to this. Where did that come from? Dunno…maybe I imagined it.

I believe their sister SubPop band Comets on Fire are playing ATP weekend one next May. I am hugely conflicted about ATP 2006. Never mind the fact that I will have to cross the Atlantic if I want to go, which is of course not unheard of in the annals of ATP-dom, but I will want to go to ATP weekend two because The Shins are curating. And everyone else will want to go to weekend one, because Mudhoney and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs will be curating.

Maybe I could go to both….
Maybe that could be construed as gallivanting.
Maybe I don’t care what people construe anymore, because caring never got me anywhere except up a cul-de-sac populated by people like Liam Lawlor.

I’ve just realised I don’t have this song. Where the bleedin’ hell is it gone? Never mind, I’ll stick in -

A Thousand Kisses Deep, by Leonard Cohen instead.

A bit of Canada for you, dude. See, not all your music is terrible.
Listen to the Master. This guy knows what he’s talking about.
It’s so sad he’s lost all his money, isn’t it.

Although, as a Buddhist, he shouldn’t really care, should he.

Caring is Creepy
The Shins: Oh, Inverted World

Welcome to The Shins, my new favourite band. From the same state as Wattser. Who is forty years old this past week. Happy Birthday, Paul. Which weekend are you going to?

The Shins are what Bloc Party would probably be if they lived in Oregon. Would I be considered crazy if I said they remind me of The Smiths in some weird non-political or rather the personal is the political way?

One day I'll be wondering how I got so old
just wondering how I never got cold
wearing nothing in the snow.

I know exactly what he means. I think.

Last Days of Disco
Yo La Tengo: And then the World Turned itself Inside Out

I took a little break to watch Desperate Housewives with Bruce. It’s our only shared tv experience. He gets everything about ten seconds after I do, mostly because he doesn’t get women. At all.

It was very good tonight. Lots of new characters and plot twists, which is a relief.

A Woman’s Worth
Alicia Keys: Songs in A Minor

My stock has sunk way below that of a European blue chip into a pile of steaming you know what tonight, judging from the silence on the phone end of things.

Past caring kind of shrug…..

Let it Out (Let it All Hang Out)
The Hombres: Elizabethtown Soundtrack

This happy clappy groovy song, which Cameron Crowe put on the Elizabethtown soundtrack, is from 1967 apparently. I was trying to find out something about The Hombres, and I came across this web interview, which I thought was cool:

http://www.markprindle.com/mcewen-i.htm

Don’t I Hold You
Wheat: Hope and Adams/ Elizabethtown soundtrack

Don’t I hold you like you want to be held
and don’t I treat you like you want
and don’t I love you like you want to be loved
and you’re running away

Some of us are not capable of allowing ourselves to be loved without pushing the other person to the absolute limit of their patience. Don’t be one of those people, dude. It is just a sign of emotional immaturity.

If 'they' were here now, they'd say 'Physician, heal thyself'. At which point I would resurrect the tyre iron.

Have I told you lately (that I love you)
Van Morrison: Avalon Sunset

So there you are dude, that’s my advice to you. So if you haven't already sorted it out, sit back, play this to her and Van the Man will sort it out for you.

I have to go and put the bins out now and see if I can get a glimpse of Tom Selleck, who’s filming at the end of my street tonight.

Night night all.

PS – This was fun. I would love to be Mariella Frostrup with toons if someone would like to pay me a vast salary to do same.

PPS - The phone just rang.