Numb-assedness requires short post

I did promise myself at least three posts while Himself was away. I reckoned without the lure of True Blood Series 2, which I couldn't possibly watch while he's here.

It's not The Wire, or Dexter or Hung, so why would I watch it?

Why indeed, dear, certainly not because of Eric the Vampire.

At all, at all.

However, I managed two, and tonight I have a numb ass because I got a gignormous injection in my right buttock this afternoon and the pain has made everything between my hip bone and my knee numb.

So sitting down is a challenge.

Which of course was good for Shannon, who is currently lying on the wet deck in the moonlight absolutely POOPED.

Due to all the FUN ACTIVITIES we had because Queenie needed to stretch her legs.

And Series 2 is over.

So despite that, this will have to be short, and then I will get back to Bored to Death, which showing on HBO Canada at the moment and is fun in a silly way, not least because Ted Danson plays an old lech in it.

A Mr. Big for Real Women who like to have fun. Not silly women like Carrie. Who wouldn't know fun if it bit them in the numb buttock.

Also, I now want to go to Brooklyn on my holidays.

Anyways, I have been home alone for a week now, Himself having gone to NB to work. And there's no point in posting about work, even if I would, so it'll have to be a post about the dog.

I know, I'm sorry.

Although, I must say I find her endlessly interesting.

Things I find interesting and amusing about my dog

1. We have a game called the saucepan game, where I chase her round the house banging a saucepan lid against the bottom of the saucepan. We have an open plan-ish type place, with no doors downstairs, so it's round and round and round the stairwell through three room until one of us collapses. (tonight I win, for a change)

Although there is a lot of ridiculous running around, the real object of the game is for one of us to sneak up on the other one and FRIGHTEN THE BEJAYSUS OUT OF HER! The interesting thing is that she's so good at it, I actually enjoy the game. There's lots of sidling up along the sitting room wall without breathing and trying to figure out where the other player is. Or hiding in the washroom. Or nipping up the stairs and jumping down at just the right moment. Or changing direction without making a sound (which she's really good at).

Tonight she hid under the dining room table and it took me five minutes to find her. Totally silent.

The other interesting thing is that for such a rough game, she has never broken anything, despite her route through the sitting room being under the coffee table and under the tv table.

2. Tonight she opened the coat closet, which has a round knob, tugged down my smelly old blue camping sleeveless jacket which she just loves because she spent so much time wrapped in it as a puppy, spread it on the ground, put all her bedtime toys on it and scratched the kitchen door until I went in and took a photo of it (see above).

Unfortunately, I will never be able to guilt trip her into putting all the stuff away.

3. She sniffs exactly the same bushes/ plants/ rocks/ bins/ trees every night on our poop walk.

How does she remember?

How do I know this?

4. Although she makes a good show when I get home at night, I know that she will be as excited to see the oilman when he delivers oil tomorrow. She's remarkably self-contained for a being that's dependent on me for pretty much everything. I am never quite sure if she gives a shit about me. Those eyes of hers are freaky too. Bizarrely, the blue one is the softer, more expressive of the two, and the brown one is the one that you can't see jack in.

When she needs fun, it's all 'me me me, talk to me, no get off the phone, me me me', but when I need some canine company it's 'so long sucker.... gotta go kill millers on the deck'.

5. I have never seen a dog spend so long chasing moths around a deck. The bluejays come and pick at her food all day every day and she just ignores them. But come nightfall, there isn't a miller safe on this property.

6. She hasn't peed in the house since Himself went away. Which proves my theory that it was his way of dealing with it that was the problem.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... I win this dog argument.... Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Of course he will say that his way dealt with the problem JUST BEFORE he left, and I am merely reaping the benefits.

In reality, now that she has my undivided, her routine is rock solid and probably she can relax and not worry about it. So we're both ini the wrong.

7. I was playing God Speed You Black Emperor very loudly tonight and she stretched up onto the countertop and turned the volume down on the stereo.

Coincidence?

Surely!!

I won't have a dog that doesn't like GSYBE.

8. She has figured out that if she doesn't poop on the post-dinner poop stroll, she gets another one later.

Go figure.

9. She has figured out exactly the distance between us that she needs to maintain when she's off-leash. Any more and I get anxious and start trying to trick her back onto her leash. Any less and I can catch her and put her on her leash.

We have an uneasy truce right now. Trying to get her off the highway was a nightmare, but she hasn't run out there since. Ideally, I would like her to be one of those dogs who trots ahead a little, but will come back.

We have 'trot ahead a little' down pat.

Babysteps.

10. She has wormed her way so completely into my heart now that when I think of vacation all I can think of is her in some awful kennel having a miserable time.

Which is horseshit of course because she's going to puppy heaven.

Never mind, Himself will be home on Thursday and the house dynamic will be back to normal.

If there's one drop of pee..... he's cleaning it.