Heading towards the solstice... then the darknesss
hard to believe that we are almost at the equinox again. It’s almost
nine o’clock and I am sitting outside (unlike the other equinox) and it
is still bright. It won’t get dark for another hour and even then the
last of the light lingers lingers lingers, as if it knows that soon the
days will imperceptibly shorten again and it will fight the fight
against the dark and lose.
For me, the summer solstice is the saddest night of the year.
Ridiculous I know, but I feel it so strongly, the momentary nature of
the triumph of light over darkness, before the darkness begins to
It also annoys me that the best time of the year lightwise is not the
best time of the year heatwise. Many nights you have to go indoors and
sit looking at a beautiful evening that is too cold to be out in.
Having said that, we have had a wonderful spring, and I have sat out on
the deck on many nights, listening to music, or just listening to the
birds settling down for the night; waiting for the peepers to start up,
although they are fading out now as the heat dries up the muddy holes
where they live.
I am sitting here on my own of course. This spring has been unbearably
solitary. Himself had to go to New Brunswick for 'two weeks', I think
it was late March or early April. Apart from a couple of weekends, he
only got back last night.
We had to pretend I was threatening to divorce him to even get that to
happen. His employers don’t seem to think it’s unreasonable to make
someone live in a hotel for nine weeks without any notice or
consultation.I think his bosses think I am the psycho from hell, I am always the
reason why he can’t work unreasonable hours, or do the salting, or
whatever. Whatever works for himself I reckon. If I ever meet these
guys, I will be the psycho from hell, I am that fed up with their
cavalier attitude to their workers.
Anyways, despite the fact that he was finally allowed to come back to
Halifax, he is now working night shift at the refinery for the next
while and he had to go to work at 6am this morning to do his
orientation and then back for 6pm to work a twelve hour shift. So even
though he at least gets to sleep in his own bed and eat at his own
table for the foreseeable, I won’t be joining him as I will be at work.
Sigh. At least the dog will be happy.
I have spent most of the last few months just getting furiouser and
furiouser with the whole capitalist schtick.
How did we let this happen to ourselves? I know how, I saw The Corporation, I am being rhetorical.
How did we let such a stupid fucking system become so dominant?
Why do so many people have to work so hard for so little and some
others just muddle along for a bit more, and yet others make an
absolute shite of the planet and all its systems and get paid more than
anyone else put together?
More importantly, how do you get off this bus?
Of course, the beauty of it is that once you’re in it, you can’t get
out. So that’s why we ‘let’ it happen. It’s pretty difficult to make
it unhappen when you’re groaning under the weight of a mortgage and a
car payment and a couple of kids to put through school, etc.
And you’re lucky if that’s all it is.
Usually there’s a whole pile of other stuff to pay for too.
Anyways, I am rehashing a truth we all have known to be true for a long
time. And currently, I'm furious for all the usual reasons, global
financial meltdown, government debt crisis, Gulf oil disaster, etc.
But I am also furious because it is so pervasive now, this ‘to hell
with having a moral compass’ attitude that is rampant in capitalism,
that it trickles down to the smallest cog in the smallest widget linked
to the smallest wheel. Hence Himself has to go to New Brunswick for
months on end whenever ‘they’ feel like it without a penny extra for
the turmoil, and I have to work on a rolling three month contract
because public opinion wants smaller government.
Also I am furious because the only way we have to moderate this is
politics and politics is over.
Politics is rubbish. It is moribund. It is about power and not
governance. Politics is ruled by opinion rather than fact and the
people who give the opinions that apparently are all that matter to the
politicians (apart from sucking up to big business) are the same ones
that roll their eyes and say they’re never voting again...
Here’s an idea, boys and girls...
Stop doing telephone polls!
Anyways, I guess I am grumpy because I never get to see my husband or
if I do, we're both too grumpy to do anything.
I have been an obedient, albeit reluctant, capitalist for almost forty
I am getting sick of being taken for granted.
So are a lot of other people I think.
Unfortunately, they are all joining the Tea Party.
I think we should establish a Cabernet Sauvignon party.
Much more relaxed and chilled out than tea.
Maybe that will be my project for my forties.