Saturday, June 12, 2010

Heading towards the solstice... then the darknesss

 It’s hard to believe that we are almost at the equinox again.  It’s almost nine o’clock and I am sitting outside (unlike the other equinox) and it is still bright.  It won’t get dark for another hour and even then the last of the light lingers lingers lingers, as if it knows that soon the days will imperceptibly shorten again and it will fight the fight against the dark and lose. For me, the summer solstice is the saddest night of the year.  Ridiculous I know, but I feel it so strongly, the momentary nature of the triumph of light over darkness, before the darkness begins to ascend again. It also annoys me that the best time of the year lightwise is not the best time of the year heatwise.  Many nights you have to go indoors and sit looking at a beautiful evening that is too cold to be out in. Having said that, we have had a wonderful spring, and I have sat out on the deck on many nights, listening to music, or just listening to the birds settling down for the night; waiting for the peepers to start up, although they are fading out now as the heat dries up the muddy holes where they live. I am sitting here on my own of course.  This spring has been unbearably solitary.  Himself had to go to New Brunswick for 'two weeks', I think it was late March or early April. Apart from a couple of weekends, he only got back last night. We had to pretend I was threatening to divorce him to even get that to happen.   His employers don’t seem to think it’s unreasonable to make someone live in a hotel for nine weeks without any notice or consultation.    I think his bosses think I am the psycho from hell, I am always the reason why he can’t work unreasonable hours, or do the salting, or whatever.  Whatever works for himself I reckon.  If I ever meet these guys, I will be the psycho from hell, I am that fed up with their cavalier attitude to their workers.  Anyways, despite the fact that he was finally allowed to come back to Halifax, he is now working night shift at the refinery for the next while and he had to go to work at 6am this morning to do his orientation and then back for 6pm to work a twelve hour shift.  So even though he at least gets to sleep in his own bed and eat at his own table for the foreseeable, I won’t be joining him as I will be at work. Sigh.  At least the dog will be happy. I have spent most of the last few months just getting furiouser and furiouser with the whole capitalist schtick.   How did we let this happen to ourselves?     I know how, I saw The Corporation, I am being rhetorical. How did we let such a stupid fucking system become so dominant?  Why do so many people have to work so hard for so little and some others just muddle along for a bit more, and yet others make an absolute shite of the planet and all its systems and get paid more than anyone else put together? More importantly, how do you get off this bus? Of course, the beauty of it is that once you’re in it, you can’t get out.  So that’s why we ‘let’ it happen.  It’s pretty difficult to make it unhappen when you’re groaning under the weight of a mortgage and a car payment and a couple of kids to put through school, etc. And you’re lucky if that’s all it is. Usually there’s a whole pile of other stuff to pay for too. Anyways, I am rehashing a truth we all have known to be true for a long time.  And currently, I'm furious for all the usual reasons, global financial meltdown, government debt crisis, Gulf oil disaster, etc.  But I am also furious because it is so pervasive now, this ‘to hell with having a moral compass’ attitude that is rampant in capitalism, that it trickles down to the smallest cog in the smallest widget linked to the smallest wheel.  Hence Himself has to go to New Brunswick for months on end whenever ‘they’ feel like it without a penny extra for the turmoil, and I have to work on a rolling three month contract because public opinion wants smaller government. Also I am furious because the only way we have to moderate this is politics and politics is over. Politics is rubbish.  It is moribund.  It is about power and not governance.  Politics is ruled by opinion rather than fact and the people who give the opinions that apparently are all that matter to the politicians (apart from sucking up to big business) are the same ones that roll their eyes and say they’re never voting again... Here’s an idea, boys and girls... Stop doing telephone polls! Anyways, I guess I am grumpy because I never get to see my husband or if I do, we're both too grumpy to do anything.  I have been an obedient, albeit reluctant, capitalist for almost forty years now.  I am getting sick of being taken for granted. So are a lot of other people I think. Unfortunately, they are all joining the Tea Party. I think we should establish a Cabernet Sauvignon party. Much more relaxed and chilled out than tea. Maybe that will be my project for my forties.

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